


a lack of color

by meowkittykenma (azumarheart)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Child Neglect, Drabble, Emotional Hurt, Kinda, One Shot, Synesthesia, basically kageyama doesn't know what postivity is, but he learns how, emotional distress, self indulgent kageyama fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-15
Updated: 2016-04-15
Packaged: 2018-06-02 08:27:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6559327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/azumarheart/pseuds/meowkittykenma
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kageyama only knows negativity. He learns that there is more in life than that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	a lack of color

**Author's Note:**

> i literally just wrote this in like 30 minutes and it doesn't even match with my original idea but heyo. basically i feel like kageyama has emotional issues due to shit family who basically didn't teach him compassion. no romance in this sorry. i haven't reread this either.

Here’s the thing, Kageyama was born to a family in which he was the second child. His older brother was extremely studious, and was a high achiever. He passed his classes with top grades, became the school president as a first year, managed to get accepted into the most prestigious college in Tokyo, and scored a high paying job as the CEO of a steadily growing income. Because of this, and the 10 year age gap, Kageyama was not close with his brother. He was always too busy with something to be affectionate to his younger sibling. 

Kageyama figured that was due to his parents. They basically were earlier models of his highly esteemed brother. They both had high paying jobs, were constantly busy, were never home, and abstained from outward affection. He had no close ties to his family, as they all tended to turn a blind eye to him.

Logically, he understood. His parents and brother were used to the best of the best, and to deal with a young, emotionally stunted, unambitious second son wasn’t something they felt expected to do. He wasn’t smart, and his biggest passion was a sport that neither of his parents favored.

So from the start, Kageyama was deprived of love and developed a bad habit of using primarily negative emotions.

\-----

Things only worsened in junior high.

His parents had finally allowed him to join the volleyball team, but with their signature on his application came the unsaid expectation of being the best. Kageyama felt the pressure begin to swell as his mother looped her name on the dotted line.

So, in his young mind, he planned out how to get his parents approval. He trained constantly, ignoring his studies more in order to become better. Kageyama pushed himself until, with a mixture of raw talent and developing skill, he became the best on his team. This caused jealously to spark from his upperclassman Oikawa.

When Oikawa almost hit him, all Kageyama could see was darkness. The darkness in his senior’s eyes, the darkness of the gym, the dark colors of negative thoughts swirling around the two boys. He recognized the lack of light, he had seen it in the absences of his parents in his home, in the annoyed glares that his brother gave him as a kid.  
He was familiar with the dark, and knew not much else. And so he used it to fuel himself, as he had nothing else.

By his third year, the darkness of his penetrating unhappy thoughts had truly changed him. It was visible in the way his teammates glared at him when he spewed the only semi-encouraging words he knew- do better, push harder, stop messing up. Kageyama did not know how else to win, how else to make his team want to fight. Negative was all he knew. And so he was left reeling with the name ‘King of the Court’ etched on his back, while his teammates stood far behind him, attempting to escape the negative aura blooming around him. 

\-----

Kageyama did not expect to change. He had grown his whole life in blacks and grays and deep blues in purple.

But when he joined the Karasuno volleyball team, he experienced much more. 

At first, the brightness of his partner Hinata bothered him. He didn’t understand how his orange-haired teammate was so inspired, and so invigorated. He didn’t understand how there could be a force outside of negative that could make people improve.

Soon enough, Kageyama learned what positive was. He witnessed it in the shining silver grins Suga sent to him, in the yellow encouragements from his coach, the variety of colors from the non-regulars cheering him on, in the red fiery hot expression of his ace on the court, and the steady navy blue from his captain. However, he saw the most color in one person specifically.

Hinata was all sunshine and determination. Kageyama felt it in his orange aura of joy he seemed to constantly carry around, in the burning red when they fought, the soothing soft yellow when he learned something new, and most importantly, the pure gold and amber in his eyes when he was so focused on his role in volleyball that all else seemed to melt away.

Hinata Shouyou burned bright and Kageyama wanted that for himself.

\-----

Kageyama, by his third year, still had traces of dark swirling colors on his edges. He could still make Hinata cower and Yamaguchi sweat a bit. But he was no longer just negative. He knew how to smile a powder blue, to cheer on his teammates in saffron, to send off a steady royal blue as a captain, and become a blazing red in the heat of the game. But most importantly, he knew how to be golden, how to focus on what is important and become a barrier against the negative. 

Kageyama Tobio was born in a home where he was barraged with dark brooding colors and feelings and did not know how to care. But after meeting his teammates and his partner, he learned what trust and companionship looked like, and was at last exposed to the whole rainbow.


End file.
